So, I've been reading some of Jen's Blurbs. I recently read about her ability to take the backseat to God's Lexus. She mentioned being satisfied with a passive position. Sometimes I feel my passive attitude is really my faithlessness. It's good to know I don't have to be in control for things to happen. God doesn't have the same watch I do. His doesn't have numbers on it. Just moments. Moments I want to cherish. If I allow Him to work according to his unique, designer watch.
I am a control freak...as my title says. I have learned from experience that if I don't do things myself, they won't get done my way. Well, gal, not everything has to be done your way all the time! That's a major life lesson I'm learning now. Yeah, this one was short and sweet. It was really more for me than public viewers. However, if you received something from it, rock on God! Maybe it was meant for you too.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
I Have a Fatal Disease
Interested yet? Thought you might be.
So, my disease. It's a rather common one with a fairly simple cure...if you can stomach the medicine. Maybe at some point you have also suffered from this disease. This ailment tends to be fatal. The people targeted mostly include people with a significant amount of stress in their lives usually caused by decision-making. Disabilities like this even target specific belief systems. Sound familiar? My affliction doesn't even have a scientific name.
It's called "unbelief". I struggle daily with this infirmity. I have good and bad days. All depends on the situations thrown in my face. Lately, this unbelief has become work-related. Or rather, lack of work. I know that God is working in my and my job situation. However, waves of uncertainty come along. I know it's Satan. Why do I let him get to me? Almost all the jobs I've applied for have either been filled or I've screwed something up in the application process. I feel incompetent.
When all the interviewers ask why they should pick me over someone else, I cannot give them a legitimate reason why. I am just so ready to be in my own classroom making a real difference in kids' lives. I hate subbing. In all cases but one, I'm there for a day then I may occasionally recognize those kids at Wal-Mart. I don't make a lasting impression on them. What's the purpose in that?
The reason I got into education was to make a difference in a child's life. I want to be influential. Some of the kids I've taught need a positive role model. I want to be that for them. Yes, I know I need to be concerned about the education part of education, but I would rather form a relationship where they are open to learning from me. Then I can teach them the meat of my subjects. I'd rather foster a love for learning than drill them on correct grammar. I want to create a desire to read about everything from Charlotte's Web to The Diary of Anne Frank to Frindle to Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry.
Please, just give me a chance.
Father, I adore You. I know how capable You are. You daily prove that to me. Still, Precious Savior, I fall into the cycle of defeat cause by unbelief. Lord Jesus, help my unbelief! I know You have incredible plans awaiting me. Show me how to swallow my medicine: self-sacrifice. I need a major dose of it daily. I know that You are the ultimate healer...of even the most prideful mindsets. Heal me like you did the son of the unbelieving man once he admitted his unbelief. I confess my unbelief. You say that you are faithful and just to forgive all sins. Show me how I need to wait. Grant me patience to understand that Your amazing works take certain steps and that Your Designer watch does not tick like mine. I thank You in advance for the incredible experiences You have in store for me. Thank You for taking such an interest in me that You would have me wait just to make sure that everything goes according to Your plan. Help me believe You for a prosperous future, the perfect job, and a brighter outlook on my current place in life.
So, my disease. It's a rather common one with a fairly simple cure...if you can stomach the medicine. Maybe at some point you have also suffered from this disease. This ailment tends to be fatal. The people targeted mostly include people with a significant amount of stress in their lives usually caused by decision-making. Disabilities like this even target specific belief systems. Sound familiar? My affliction doesn't even have a scientific name.
It's called "unbelief". I struggle daily with this infirmity. I have good and bad days. All depends on the situations thrown in my face. Lately, this unbelief has become work-related. Or rather, lack of work. I know that God is working in my and my job situation. However, waves of uncertainty come along. I know it's Satan. Why do I let him get to me? Almost all the jobs I've applied for have either been filled or I've screwed something up in the application process. I feel incompetent.
When all the interviewers ask why they should pick me over someone else, I cannot give them a legitimate reason why. I am just so ready to be in my own classroom making a real difference in kids' lives. I hate subbing. In all cases but one, I'm there for a day then I may occasionally recognize those kids at Wal-Mart. I don't make a lasting impression on them. What's the purpose in that?
The reason I got into education was to make a difference in a child's life. I want to be influential. Some of the kids I've taught need a positive role model. I want to be that for them. Yes, I know I need to be concerned about the education part of education, but I would rather form a relationship where they are open to learning from me. Then I can teach them the meat of my subjects. I'd rather foster a love for learning than drill them on correct grammar. I want to create a desire to read about everything from Charlotte's Web to The Diary of Anne Frank to Frindle to Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry.
Please, just give me a chance.
Father, I adore You. I know how capable You are. You daily prove that to me. Still, Precious Savior, I fall into the cycle of defeat cause by unbelief. Lord Jesus, help my unbelief! I know You have incredible plans awaiting me. Show me how to swallow my medicine: self-sacrifice. I need a major dose of it daily. I know that You are the ultimate healer...of even the most prideful mindsets. Heal me like you did the son of the unbelieving man once he admitted his unbelief. I confess my unbelief. You say that you are faithful and just to forgive all sins. Show me how I need to wait. Grant me patience to understand that Your amazing works take certain steps and that Your Designer watch does not tick like mine. I thank You in advance for the incredible experiences You have in store for me. Thank You for taking such an interest in me that You would have me wait just to make sure that everything goes according to Your plan. Help me believe You for a prosperous future, the perfect job, and a brighter outlook on my current place in life.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Crazy Busy
Okay, I know I'm not the greatest at this. Thank you, Steff, for the reminder. Here's why: life is just too dang jammed packed. If I'm not working, I'm looking for work, preparing for interviews, or trying make someone else happy.
I had two interviews this week already, and I'm getting ready to leave town to go to my third one. Everything is speeding by, but I am not getting anywhere. No job offers, no closer to certainty. Inching ever closer to insanity, uncertainty, frustration, unbelief.
I am believing God for my perfect job. I guess I've gotta work on the whole patience concept. That's never been my strength. I am encouraged by my faith-filled friends. My unbelief hinders me, but they seem to be so connected to God. Guess I know what I need to work on.
Well, Steff and other dear ones, don't say I didn't try. I promise that I will take more time to write. Hopefully you'll still want to read my ramblings. I pray blessings over all of you.
I had two interviews this week already, and I'm getting ready to leave town to go to my third one. Everything is speeding by, but I am not getting anywhere. No job offers, no closer to certainty. Inching ever closer to insanity, uncertainty, frustration, unbelief.
I am believing God for my perfect job. I guess I've gotta work on the whole patience concept. That's never been my strength. I am encouraged by my faith-filled friends. My unbelief hinders me, but they seem to be so connected to God. Guess I know what I need to work on.
Well, Steff and other dear ones, don't say I didn't try. I promise that I will take more time to write. Hopefully you'll still want to read my ramblings. I pray blessings over all of you.
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